I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
