Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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