apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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