I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
