my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
