and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
