seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
