Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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