just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
