and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
