Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
