marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You made me cry and you don't even care
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
