Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
