Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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