Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
