There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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