she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you win again, gameday.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
