I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
