I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No subtext here. People are naked.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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