Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We left the knife in your bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
