woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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