Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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