I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
