What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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