I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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