haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize