im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
