i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All the doctor said was why
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
