If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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