so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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