I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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