Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
