If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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