Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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