You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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