your thong is hanging out like whoa
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
