I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
