Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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