There was a lot of him and a little penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
