you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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