So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
