im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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