i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
