well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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