Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize