This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
