my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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