Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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