hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
