I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
