You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
