I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
