I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
someone owes me an orgasm
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will be naked everywhere
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
