you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
