i already hear my dad disowning me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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