that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
