All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
