is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am one with the molecules
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
